The songbirds disappeared when the magpies moved in.
The sun does not shine here, among the trees, yet.
A breeze comes through, just a waft.
A passing train in a world full of trains.
Where are they going? I think.
The magpies are here.
I ordered an iPad for my 75-year-old mom, and it arrived today. I opened it to run updates, load some apps, set up the wi-fi and have it ready for use Christmas Day.
But there was a problem. So I contacted Apple Support by chat because I didn’t have a number for the Twilight Zone.
…
Tomorrow I will stand in a courtroom
and while a judge watches, will hack down the tree
my wife and I planted 13 years ago.
I will use the same chain saw I used
to build our log cabin.
We will divide the tree’s wood between us.
I will cut out the rotted parts of mine
and use the lumber to build a table,
which I will cover with a cloth woven from fluffy clouds
that I will remove from the clearing sky
with my chain saw
tomorrow.
What follows is a consumer review about the Miele Twist, a type of upright vacuum cleaner, that I lifted from Consumer Reports online. Read far enough and he mentions having a “vacuum fetish.” I think this fellow doesn’t get out much.
“We have 2 hairy dogs and a 2400SF house. We were using 3 old Orecks - one on each floor - and loved the ease of use. They are unbelieveably light. I ascribed to the theory that you use a light vacuum and then go back with a handheld when you wanted to get the corners, etc. However, the house always seemed a bit dusty, and the carpets didn’t really seem clean somehow. The inside of the collection bag (the cloth one) seemed dirty. We actually put one of them in the washer, which helped a lot. But I wanted something more efficient. Read a lot about people who bought Dysons getting a bunch of hair and dirt out of a carpet they had just vacuumed with another brand. So I looked at those, but they seemed kind of ‘plasticy,’ and I really didn’t want to dump that container. I had a dustbuster once and didn’t like opening it up since it made the whole room dusty. I know I could empty it in the big can outside with a remote switch, but here in Denver I didn’t want to go out in the winter. My sister bought a Miele canister and loved it, so when […] the user reviews were almost uniformly idolatrous, I looked on […]for a used one. None to be found. (A good sign?) I was going to buy on online, but read about servicing, so went to a vacuum cleaner store. (Actually a fun experience, kind of a flash from the past to go to a Mom&Pop store and have a person who knows everything abut vacuums - and CARES about vacuums - tell you why this is such a great thing to buy.) In the store, though, I wasn’t all that impressed. The Twist feels really heavy at first, and kind of hard to push. It does look really pretty, though. Sexy. Sleek. Two other people were buying Miele canister vacs, and the shop owner said they are generally well-liked and more flexible — and I almost bought one. But I am an upright guy. Just like everything in one unit. And our house is mostly wall-to-wall. I am not proud to admit it, but I have a bit of a vacuum fetish, so wanted to be sure about the purchase. My wife could give a hoot about which vacuum we have, and I knew would not be too happy about the price of this baby. But[…] I took it home. That’s where the Miele stole my heart. It IS heavier than the Orecks, no bout adout it. You have to make an intentional decision to vacuum. A commitment. But once you do, and you get this thing out (using the convenient handle on the back) you’re getting in a good mood. It is SO cute. Like a race car. The handle is solid -heavy plastic over a metal shaft — in fact the whole thing is solid. (Well, the door to the bag chamber is a bit wimpy perhaps - but seems to work OK) Overall, it feels totally different from almost every vacuum you see in stores, which are creaky and bendy and cheap-feeling. So I’m in a good mood just looking at it and touching it. Then I turn it on and I’m hooked. It starts up like a jet engine, gradually, soft at first then a powerful “velvet covered brick” kind of little whine. Then you kick on the beater bar (switch on the handle, totally convenient) and it sort of sucks down into the carpet - but in a “fluid” kind of way. Think crouching tiger. Once it’s on, pushing it requires less effort than you’d think. The “twist” action must be some sort of heavy metal lubricated joint or something (can’t see it) but it just feels SOLID. Like driving a race car or a Mercedes. The “twist” means you twist the handle clockwie, and the head of the machine turns to the right; and vice-versa. It’s handy to turn it around corners and so on, and also handy to get straight up against a wall if coming in at an angle. I could hear it sucking up stuff from a just-vacuumed carpet, and it got maybe a cup of heavy dirt up, and a bunch of lighter stuff. I could hear it picking up dirt when I went over the heavily-traveled areas. But most importantly, the house “felt” much cleaner. I really didn’t like vacuuming in the past because it seemed to make the air a bit dusty, but this feels like it cleans the air. So then the REAL test - the wife!! She comes home, amazingly enough doesn’t really notice the beautiful vacuum standing in the den! But I convince her to give it a whirl. “Not good,” she says. “Doesn’t pick up the fuzz — and it’s hard to push.” Turns out she didn’t have the beater bar on. Turn that on, and she’s much happier. Picks up the fuzz in one pass. Easier to push. She likes it! She vacuums the whole room. “Hmmm she says, that carpet looks better than it has in years. I think it’s worth the money, let’s keep it.” Done. (She chooses appliances in about 15 seconds, it takes me a month or so…) Anyway, I did end up taking the Twist back and getting the next model up, because I wanted it to be red and wanted a light on it — so I got the “Salsa.” Same everything except they added a light on the front and a HEPA filter (which I don’t think makes a huge amount of difference.) Heck, I figure, I’m in for over four hundred, what’s another seventy five bucks? This thing is going to last 15 years - I might as well have a color I like. (And I do like the light. It makes it easier to see dirt and hair, especially on the hardwood floor part of the house.) (Which, by the way, it does great on, just turn the beater bar off and turn the suction up a notch with the handy-dandy dial on the top of the machine.) Oh, and did I mention the cord is about a mile long. I really like plugging it in once and doing the whole floor. I hate bending over to plug and unplug things (next house, we’re putting the plugs at the level of the switches!) And I like NOT having an automatic cord rewinder. Every single one of those I’ve ever owned has broken. Speaking of the cord, there is one thing I wish was different, and that’s the cord holders. They are both up high, so you don’t have to bend over, but with all that cord and the two winders so close to each other, you have to make about 20 wraps to get the cord back in place. I’d prefer they put the bottom one much closer to the floor so it would take less “wraps” to get it all back on. A different reviewer, though, had said they LIKED them both up high so I guess it’s a split decision. Although maybe they could put TWO lower cord-holders, one high and one low. So if you want to keep it up high but wind alot, you caould use the higher cord-holder. If, however, you want to maximize speed, you use the lower or the two. Anyway. Bottom Line: I love it. And it turns out I like having the tools attached. I always INTENDED to go back with the little vacuum after using my old upright without tools, but seldom did. Now, with the tools right with me, I tend to get the corners a bit more often. And I swear the house FEELS cleaner and my nose is less irritated. So yes, I would recommend this to a friend. And, no, I don’t work for Miele or the vacuum store or anything else related to vacuums. I just (1) like writing and (2) am trying to avoid doing something else, and (3) wanted anyone who wants to buy an upright they can LOVE go give one of these hummers a try.”
If a cheetah and a shark somehow mated and produced a mechanical offspring, it would look and drive a lot like the Infiniti FX35 I bought Saturday. Consequently, I’ve been looking for excuses to get behind the wheel all week. So today Eli and I took it south from downtown Anchorage to Midtown to get some groceries. The fastest way there is to take L Street, a four-lane, one-way conduit that descends from the city into a greenbelt, bisects a small lake then rises to Midtown.
On the ascent to the strip malls of Midtown I approached a black sedan as it topped the rise. I only noticed the spotlight awkwardly perched on the windshield pillar and the four slender antennae on its roof after it was too late. I applied the brakes, but the cop did the same, let me pass then pulled in right behind me and fired up his lights. I turned left into an apartment complex and pulled over.
It had been pissing rain all morning. The cop approached the car. I looked at Eli. “No worries. I was speeding.” She nods.
Me: How are you doing sir?
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Yes. Speeding.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: 50?
Cop: 58. I would have not stopped you for 50. May I see proof of insurance?
Me: [reaches into back seat, hands cop sheet of paper]
Cop: [examines it then hands it back] I’ll give you this back before it gets all wet. May I see your license and the registration paperwork?
Me: [digs license out of wallet, paper out of envelope in door pocket]
Cop: [examines registration paperwork then hands it back] I’ll be right back. [walks back to his car with my license in hand]
Eli: Where is he going?
Me: He’s running my license to see if I have any outstanding warrants or anything like that. They always do that.
A minute later the policeman returned. Looking in the side mirror I could see him wiping the rain off my license and staring at it as he walked.
Cop: You got your license in what, 1980?
Me: [taken aback, thinking] Uh, yeah around then, maybe earlier.
Cop: And you’ve never had a ticket before?
Me: No.
Cop: That’s … notable.
Me: [smiles]
Cop: I’d hate to blemish a stellar record.
Me: That’s your discretion, sir.
Cop: I know. [wipes raindrops from license then hands it back to me] Have a good day, sir.
Thanks for the kind thoughts on the post below, but it’s Juicymorsel’s post that I reblogged.
One final breath.
And she was gone.
My niece, Kaylee, was three months old.
There will be no milestones in her baby book after today.
She will not roll over. Sit up. Crawl.
She will never have a first word, first step, first day of school, first kiss.
She will never walk across a…
(My friend James at work recently took his new boat out of storage for the winter. This is the tale, in his own words, of his shrimping trip on Saturday)
Here’s how the trip went.
The trip starts as usual. Got a late start. Left Anchorage around 1PM. Cannot seem to leave in the morning. I think fishing before dawn only happens in the movies. Stop by Costco to fill up the boat. I fill it up, but manage to get gas on my shirt. I think it’s minimal, but when I start driving in a confined space, it becomes too much. I’d rather not get high on fumes. The shirt comes off and goes into the bed of the truck. I can show off my lack of tan or wear a sweater. The sweater wins.
Got to Whittier around 2PM. Minimal traffic at the boat launch. Cool. I back the boat up doing my usual back and forth. Straighten up…turn, pull forward, go backwards, go forward, turn left, no…turn right. After several attempts, got the boat in the water. I didn’t hit the side rail like someone else did. So, the time was worth it. It’s probably close to 3PM, but who knows for sure.
I leave the boat, while I parked the truck and trailer. Of course, it’s a long walk back to the dock. Probably a 10 minute walk.
I’ve got to go to the bathroom before I get on the boat. So, I stop there. While walking back to the boat, I see there’s a store open. So, I stop and look and get some snacks for the trip. Ok, another 10 minutes goes by.
Get to the boat…ok, ready to go. Start the engine. Turn on the GPS and radio. Good to go. Start backing up and I hear…”Why is there water coming in the boat?” I panic. Pull forward a few feet. Remember all those minutes passing by while the boat was in the water? Long walk from parking lot, bathroom break, and stop at the store? During those delays, the boat was filling with water. There is a reason a boat has a bilge pump. It’s because people like me (on the first trip of the year) forgot to do the most important thing…put the boat plug in! I’ve heard stories of people sinking their boat at the dock because of this…panic continues. I rush to the back of the boat and reach into the area where I need to plug the boat. No time to show off my tan, and take my sweater off. I reach into the water (elbow high) and plug the boat. Whew, water stops rising. The boat is still on top of the water and not sinking. I turn on the bilge pump. It’s a good 15 minutes later before the boat empties.
It’s probably close to 5 before I get out of the dock. You know…late start, backing the boat up into the water fiasco, walk from parking lot, bathroom break, store break, boat plug fiasco.
I did manage to get the shrimp pots in the water. Since the Whittier tunnel closes early during the winter schedule (it’s still on winter schedule), I didn’t leave the pots in the water long. Close to an hour and half. Checked them. Here’s how the story goes.
Gas for truck and boat $160
Whittier tunnel fee $20
Boat launch fees $20
Parking Fee $10
# of Shrimp 0
The story I can tell: priceless.
Went into the 24/7 post office at the airport last Sunday to mail a birthday card to my daughter and a manuscript to a friend. It was early evening, the sun still up, the streets wet with melting snow. At the end of the long line were two elderly black men, one with a cane and one leaning heavily against the long table that ran down the middle of the lobby. Both held a few envelopes in their hands.
As I joined them the leaning man looked at me and smiled and said “How you doin’ today?”
I returned the grin. “Good. How about you?”
“Can’t complain on a day like today. We blessed.”
I smiled. His friend, who had been ignoring us to this point, turned to me and said straight-faced. “Aw, he lyin’, he been complainin’ all day.”
Hi. Name's Dave.
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